I wrote Permission as I was heading into a new decade! I felt like my professional success and personal issues were intersecting and it was the right time for me to share my story. Through my own opportunities of public speaking and teaching, I realized that the audience often has a misconception of the star on stage. Everyone has their “stuff” and to think that whoever you aspire to be, or look up to, doesn’t have a story is a false reality. The more we share our story, the more we find a like-minded community of support and inspiration.
I met a literary agent, who encouraged me to start writing and with her help I was able to complete the book in 6 weeks. I believe when the story is ready, the author can write fairly easily.
2) In your opinion, how do most people hold themselves back from living the life they want to live?
I think people hold themselves back from living the life they want to live because they are so busy trying to live up to the life others have decided for them. Giving yourself permission to truly live authentically, without apology, is a power position, difficult for most. If you don’t feel worthy, have childhood baggage that you are carrying with you like a heavy burden, or afraid to leave the life you know for the life you want, you will park yourself in the place of “would’a, could’a, should’a.” In my own experience, living a life that isn’t wholly mine, is a complete waste of energy!
3) You were willing to go deep and reveal a tremendous amount of yourself in this book (to me this is the sign of strength by the way). What was that process like?
Many readers have referred to the book as “brave,” which feels rather uncomfortable for me. I had to promise myself to be completely authentic when I wrote the book otherwise it was a futile exercise and it didn’t support the permission mission. It’s amazing how many people have related to certain stories within the book, which only reconfirms that life is not a singular experience. The more we can share and support each other, the more we can evolve as a community. There were certain stories that didn’t make the book but certainly caused my emotions to get stirred up. I think the emotional convergence during the writing process was what surprised me the most. My family learned things about me, both in the book and through my own confessions, that they never knew before. It was cathartic to expose dark places that had cluttered my mind for far too long.
4) Do you have any thoughts on self publishing vs. traditional publishing?
I self-published Permission and the process was more of a challenge than actually writing! My first publisher (self-publisher), flagged some of my content during the content curation phase and demanded that I change the names of all characters in the book (which I already had done), removed all personal references and encouraged me to write under a pen name. They told me that it was an invasion of privacy to tell my story in reference to the experiences I had with two previous relationships. I found that the publisher was giving far too much power to the men that had broken my heart, even though I had changed their names. I refused to give into that power so I broke my initial contract with my publisher. It took me a few months to find a new publisher, but in the end, Archway Publishing became a great partner. In October 2014, I finally had a book in hand.
5) Any starting tips to uncover one’s authentic intentions?
I have always believed that an authentic intention is exposed in quiet moments, when you are daydreaming. it’s the answer to the question, “some day I wish I could….” When you start to listen to the voice in your head (which is really the architect of your life raising it’s authentic intention flag!), you can start to tune into your frequency. Write it down and tell everyone you know so that the universe knows how to help you! Keeping your authentic intention silent is a waste of your life’s purpose!
6) How can we order the book and or connect with you?
Nicole Matthews is an entrepreneur, author, speaker and champion for living your best life. As a global event, travel and lifestyle concierge, she helps clients to enjoy the playground of life. Her new book, Permission: Stop Competing & Start Creating the Life You Want to Live is available on Amazon. Nicole craves humor and storytelling, as much as the perfect accessory to accentuate an outfit. Deep down, she believes her days spent performing, at the age of 9 as a showgirl in Las Vegas, have prepared her for when Dancing With the Stars calls.
Follow her antics on:
Twitter at @henleyco